Saturday, October 26, 2013


  hey folks

to the people I originally linked this out to on an email chain

the reason I wanted to do this blog thing was to practice writing again AND to get advice, feedback

not from the greater world or strangers (and God bless you strangers) but to hear you

guys say "Yeah that works" or "No that's a mess" because you are people as writers and thinkers who I


so if you have the time….and one of these strikes you, please, the whole point was not to get an internet

audience or to get flattery, which is nice sure, but the opposite…..critique me if it bothers you or

seems ineffective. (Matt I thank you for doing that recently) Im not trying to goad people into response

but to say "Don't worry i can take it. " I woulda kept it in my diary if I couldn't.

 much love



  1. I think your blog has become a diary for those of us who have posted on here. Your writing is done with such class and your words can paint a picture in anyone's mind as if you are seeing it for yourself. Speaking only for myself if I've used your blog for my own personal blog, I apologize. But if it's criticism you want, we will give it to you. But it's hard to criticize someone or something that comes close to perfect. Take care.

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  7. ciao..david dei davvero stupefacente ti ammiro moltissimo sei un bravo attore ed anche un bravo scrittore...continua cosi non far perdere mai le tue orme fatti amare io lo faccio...ciao-

    1. Ciao, Marilena.
      Ho un amica italiano. Quindi so un po di italiano, se mi permettete posso aiutare nella traduzione a inglese.

    2. grazie ma tu sai se david capisce la lingua italiana?

    3. Ciao, Marilena.
      E un piacere aiutare.
      Non so se il Signor Conrad parla italiano. Ma sono sicuro che egli risponderà alla tua cortese messaggio.
      Io tradurre il tuo testi e metterli appena sotto i tuoi messaggi.
      Un abbraccio.

    4. Translation of Marilena's message:
      Hi .. David. You really are amazing, I admire you very much.
      You are a great actor and a great writer too ...
      Keep it up and I'll follow you with love. Goodbye.

  8. io sono italiana...tu parli italian?.....anche in english volendo devo prima tradurre. ciao.

    1. Translation of Marilena's message:
      I'm Italian ... Do you speak Italian? .... Even in English is necessary to translate first. Goodbye.

  9. I don't know who you want advice from exactly, because you're unclear. I have a degree, read, and like to help people, therefore I'll try and help you out. If you don't want it, please tell me.

    One of the things I see is that it could flow better in the way that the reader will be absorbed into your work and not be pulled out of it.

    "My mother also remembers as a five year old being told by her great grandmother that as a five year old she remembered meeting Confederate soldiers the family used to hide in the basement coming thru the back door of their Alexandria home and pausing in the kitchen.
    1863. My mother tells me this in 1993. Three voices. Three people speak to each other and 130 years pass."

    In this part you repeat yourself which pulled me out a bit and you use a lot of numbers. I think I realize what message you’re trying to convey there, but maybe there’s a more clever way to do it.

    You also use a lot of references to people or things that I have no idea what it is, like Scylla and Charybdis. I have no idea what you’re referring to, so I can’t understand what you’re trying to say and I’m slightly lost. I have to actually Google it and come back to reading, no good lol. It might be better if you tried to use references most people could relate to.

    When I read your writing I find myself getting into it, I feel inspired, moved, wanting to read more and then it gets confusing either by the way it’s worded or unclear references, which ends up just being frustrating.

    “I think we sat somewhere and talked. I remember that she didn't blink much or have a problem holding my gaze. We talked preciously about what we liked to study, where we wanted to travel, and cold war kids that we were we both said Eastern Europe, and of course college. Sometime later all three of us went out for ice cream at this new place, Ben and Jerry's, of which there were probably three at the time in the entire country, this in an old gas station and we thought, smart business. We walked. Lowell invented something he had to do and I actually asked her if I could kiss her goodbye and we did. Her lips strong on mine. Her eyes like dark precious stones, worlds hovering so close I couldn't bring them into focus.”

    Now this flows well, I can easily imagine it, and I get an idea of the emotions that must have been there. This writing I think was the best so far. Your writing is unique, which I would hate to see that go away. Sometimes I feel like you’re trying to be too concise. That’s efficient, but sometimes confusing as well. It gives the impression that you haven’t revised.

    “…but Xmas, one of the central rituals of my life I have left lost to busy memory. And they're literally in me, fixed in my brain and its wiring like buried crystals waiting for the water of I-should-give-a-greater-damn. But I didn't. I let them be mortal.”

    Busy memory seems like an odd thing to say and leaves me trying to figure out exactly what you mean. It only takes me a second to figure it out, but would flow better if I understood as I was reading it. Maybe you could try and find a better way to be unique in your writing. Also took me a minute to figure out what you meant with the rest of that paragraph. Again be clever but clearer so that it flows well. You can say things like “I let them die” instead of “I let them be mortal” and people will still feel and understand your writing. A lot of it also depends on what you’re trying to get out of what you write though. (continued)

  10. Makes a difference if you want to invoke emotion from your audience, have them relate to you, be seen as a clever writer, etc. or maybe a combination of those with each piece. If it is a combination, try to get a better balance going on. If you’re trying to use clever wording you’re doing great, but I feel it creates a lack of other things that could be there and make your writing excellent.

    “And a woman I'd loved madly and stupidly had gone as well.” Good use of adjectives here, I totally get what you mean. Says a lot without being drawn out or too concise.

    I hope everything I said makes sense and helps!!

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  13. My honest, honest, no holds barred opinion on your writing is that it flows effortlessly. It does.

    And the form of writing you're doing is one that doesn't need much editing. You're telling stories, and stories grow organically out of ourselves. They don't follow any set of rules or writing processes or structures. Does that make sense? You're pretty incredible at structuring a story so that by the end, you've managed to teach us a lesson without realizing you were teaching us a lesson from the first word. Sneaky and effective, and kinda Twain-ish without the satire.

    This is a compliment --> your writing is also similar to that of Groucho Marx who was actually a brilliant scholar and author. You and he could easily transition from long descriptive sentences into short, punchy, effective ones. It works.

    So even though you're asking, there is no criticism at this point. It's all working, and again, I'm not just saying that. I would stop reading after three paragraphs if it wasn't working because who has time to read graph after graph of poorly constructed brain purges?

    Not me.

    But since you're asking, should something jump out at me in the future, I'll beat you over the head with it real good. Here comes an emoticon: ;p

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  15. I just found your blog and read quite a few of your have an interesting, and often beautiful, way with words but are you always so serious? Your writing makes me feel melancholy ~ a feeling which is highly underrated, in my opinion ~ but it also makes me wonder if you ever get outside of your own head?

    I'm curious so I'll keep reading...


  16. I think your writing was messy and, just, random. To maybe 55% of readers wouldn't have gotten but the remaining 45 would have resonated with. And be jealous of.